The Malky - Part 1

Someone described me recently as a "person of wonderful contradictions."

I liked that description. It's certainly one of the most accurate I've heard.

I grew up in Govan which is an ex-shipbuilding town in Glasgow, Scotland. A town made famous by the stories of Billy Connolly and a TV series called Rab C.Nesbitt.  It was a lively place, full of characters, stray dogs and tenements. I lived in an estate just off Crossloan road (pictured below). 

My dad Jim worked as a Journalist for the Glasgow Evening times newspaper. He was a sub-editor, theatre critic and also had a spell as the famed "Dinertec", a trench coat later donned by comedian Tam Cowan. My mum Nan was a night sister in the local Southern General hospital. Adored by her colleagues and patients, she loved her job. I still can smell the freshly ironed starched nursing hats pleated to the chimes of Billy Joel's "uptown girl" on the LP player.

I am the youngest of three siblings. I grew up with my older brother Jim and sister Colette who I will talk about more in later blogs. My childhood was good. I did get into plenty trouble running around the streets of Govan, playing football in the streets, collecting "ginger" bottles (soft drinks bottles we returned for 10p in exchange) and making "dens" from old furniture left on spare ground. 

In school I was a nuisance. Clever yes, but talkative. The lad who finished his work first and distracted everyone else. Frequently at the headmistresses office for multiple minor offences yet top of the class. I've always been like that I guess. I can learn things quickly, especially if I get "hooked" on them. I get frustrated if others don't share my enthusiasm. Being a bit of a "swot" in a rather rowdy little town didn't go in my favour. Some of the local lads undertook extra-curricular activities that I didn't fancy getting involved in. A sure recipe to become an outsider.

Bullying became a feature in primary school. "He's showing off- give him the malky."  The Malky means a good thrashing in Glaswegian. Don't worry though, with the help of a few boxing lessons at the local Bellahouston gym I got myself into more trouble in school- but the bullying ceased. I'll never forget the feelings associated with those months though. Zero confidence, a sense of loneliness and a feeling of pressure to step up and "man-up". I can't stand bullies to this day, my robust reaction to them is still fuelled from months of being a scared wee lad looking over his shoulder. My primary school, like the shipyards in Govan has been flattened and replaced with modern flats. It is becoming a bit of a student haven these days- I was there in the wrong decade it seems.

Let's get this out the way- football and Glasgow. I grew up in a catholic family, we supported Celtic football club. I lived about 1 mile from Ibrox stadium, the home to what I was lead to believe were my "greatest rivals", Rangers. Glasgow and the west of Scotland has a problem with sectarianism. It saddens me greatly as it is a pointless and often very violent pastime. Having seen the results of this division as a young lad and later as a doctor I abhor the whole scene now. Notice I say now. Yes, I like many other youngsters sang on the terraces of Glasgow's football stadiums and got caught up in the furore. I learned very quickly that this was wrong as I grew a bit older. It didn't sit right with me and it taught me about the power of crowd mentality and a need for many to belong to a group identity. I hope I have the insight now to avoid going with the crowd without taking a step back and asking why. Carl Jung warns us about the "shadow self"- That under the right pressures and circumstances we are all potentially capable of behaviour that goes against our inherent humanity. Whenever I come up against anger, hatred, bigotry or evil in the world I try to understand what went wrong. I believe this experience helps me in clinical practice. When faced with powerful emotions I ask myself "what am I missing" and "how did we arrive here". Extremes of emotion are not the norm, we aren't physically or psychologically equipped to live on the knife edge of ecstasy or  resentment. At some point an equilibrium will evolve and no matter how heated the passion is in the moment, the opportunity will come to talk it out and heal. 

As cultural barriers are challenged and broken down by the current generation I hope that the Glasgow divide melts away also. I still follow my football team but my moral compass follows the route of friendship as many of my once greatest rivals will attest to. 

High school started off in a similar manner to primary school. Clever but constantly sitting at desks on my own or told to go stand in the cupboard. I'm a great believer that people are put in your path at the right time in life. My 3rd year science teacher George McNamara was the first to come along. A bushy bearded Scouser with a thirst for teaching, he saw potential where others saw inattention. The broad range of subjects covered in high school blended into tedium for me. An hour of this and an hour of that, homework and tick box exercises. There was nothing to get my teeth into, I studied to pass exams never for my own enjoyment or development. 

So here is this man who worked me out. Yes, move him to a single desk and keep him away from others but throw challenges at him. Oh and another thing, find out what this kid likes. Science has been a constant in my life from the day George gave me a video (yes VHS- remember them?) on the solar system and started giving me lessons on how car engines worked. Wow! Learning can be fun and actually useful-  a revelation that every child deserves to experience. The focus on obtaining grades, passing exams and accruing postnominals can easily detract from the beauty of lifelong learning. The greatest minds in history weren't the ones who aced their exams, they had a passion and a thirst for knowledge. Many dedicated their lives to very specific areas within a field. Learning the fundamentals should be the beginning of a journey of personal discovery and development. Instead there are many professions that throw that youthful exuberance into a squirrel cage, boxed in by deadlines, training programmes and historical hierarchies. 

So with encouragement from George and a new headteacher, Jack Nellany I flourished. I ended up head boy (pictured with Big Jack and Head girl Nicola below). Well that ruffled a few feathers and I had my first experience of imposter syndrome. To be honest I loved every minute of sixth year. I had a great group of friends who I am still very close to. There are 12 of us and I know that anytime I needed them they'd be there (Rembrandts theme plays ).

So what happened next Tony? You had straight A's, great friends and the world at your feet. So you went to university right, became a doctor and here we are? 

Well not exactly.. 

I graduated from the University of Glasgow Medical school with honours in 2010. I left high school in 1997. Those close to me know the route I took to becoming a doctor. For those who don't I'll share some of it with you in the next blog. It's not been easy and I hope anyone who ever has to face similar challenges will gain some reassurance.