Reflection 3: Pastels for pleasure

Aristotle described art as "an attempt to grasp at universal truths in individual happenstances." Grand words indeed. For me art was something other people did. I was "no good" at it in school. I could draw a mean Teenage mutant ninja turtle but had no concept of art beyond pencil sketches.

In high school I had a larger than life Art teacher called Mr Johnstone. He hailed from Belfast and had an Ulster baritone voice that shook the window panes. I really liked him, he was enthusiastic yet very laid back- I can still picture him leaning back on two chair legs defying gravity with his feet on the desk. The class automatically divided itself into those who could draw and those who were masters of the stick figure. Some of my peers had a natural talent for this stuff, it was as if they were wired differently. They made it look so easy as well. Attempts to copy their ethereal movements resulted in me producing spidery , lop-sided results. I decided that I wasn't cut out for that world, I definitely couldn't see how it would be possible to pass exams under time restraints. 

Mr Johnstone always encouraged us though. He talked passionately about Modigliani, Turner and Leonardo Da Vinci. The idea that art could be spontaneous, inspirational  and even life-changing made an impression on me but my head was turned by rock music at that point in my life. I could identify with his passion for his artists when I thought about those on the walls of my room- Although, Nirvana, Guns 'n' Roses and Iron Maiden were not quite the same. We did share a common love of Thin Lizzy I found out later on. If I'm being honest here I was a nightmare for Mr Johnstone, I spent a lot of time in the art stores room drawing alone as a result of my "exuberant" behaviour (exact word used on my report card). I did my best work in there including a tracing of a Guns 'n' Roses album cover that ended up on the classroom wall.

 My attitude to art was all wrong. I viewed subjects in school as a means to an end. You go to learn things and use that to pass exams to get a job. I had no concept of the possibilities of learning for enjoyment and self-development. After all, from what I could see all these artists had hard lives. They often struggled financially and were alienated in their own time. No, it was a "skive" for me- an hour twice a week for carrying on and maybe bashing out something colourful for the fridge door at home. 

I never lifted a pencil or brush again until 3 years ago. I had no appreciation for art. I remember walking round the Kelvingrove art museum in Glasgow at a furious pace hoping I would see some dinosaur bones. Sauntering past stunning paintings and artworks unmoved. I took a wrong turn and stumbled upon something that snapped me out my reverie. Salvador Dali's painting Christ of Saint John of the Cross. In a corridor of its own, softly lit by overhead lighting, i found myself transfixed. I couldn't get over the impossible angles and the richness of the colour- it felt like the cross was going to fall on me any second. I suddenly understood what Mr Johnstone had been talking about all those years ago, for the first time I looked at a work of art and saw beyond the canvas.

There was no sudden urge to go out and have another gander at being an artist, there was a change though. Next came Bob Ross. If you have never watched an episode of his TV show "The Joy of Painting" I would highly recommend that you drop everything and go find it online. In 30 minutes he creates landscape paintings with no more than a canvas, some paint and some big brushes. His voice is soothing and encouraging. Bob stands in front of a canvas on an easel in his jeans and loosely buttoned shirt delivering a form of mindfulness never recreated. He has achieved cult status nowadays and sadly his name has been exploited by many to make money even after his death in 1995. Bob's philosophy was that "you can do this" and that you are in control of "your world"- whatever you want to create is ok there are no mistakes only "happy accidents". How could anyone refuse his charms and that perm? 

Despite hours of watching Bob with my dad I never lifted a brush. I was partly scared I would be rubbish and spoil the magic of watching his episodes. My dad did have a go though. When he was referred to a local day hospice he started returning with ever impressive paintings. Suddenly the house was decorated in framed pictures signed "Jim". I still have most of his paintings, they are very precious to me and it gives me great solice to think of the fun he had creating them. 

So 3 years ago I suddenly started painting and drawing. It started after my dad died. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 2 weeks after he died. Safe to say my mind was racing. I tried to focus on playing guitar to relax, this didn't work so I didn't persist- my neighbours were grateful. At Christmas time I was given a gift from a nurse at the hospice I worked at- an art set with watercolours, coloured pencils and a small set of soft pastels. I had a go at water colours first- a shambles, made even worse by the fact I am red-green colourblind. I produced several unrecognizable blobs. I had done the pencil thing before in school- that phase lasted about 30 minutes. Right what are these things? Feels like chalk...hmmm ok let's give it a go.

Soft pastels are pure paint pigments suspended in differing levels of clay medium. They come in different levels of hardness depending on the clay content. I fell in love immediately. Pastels are incredibly forgiving for a beginner. The pastel on the paper can be blended and shaped with your fingers to create interesting skies, water and trees out of almost nothing. 

I watched a few you tube videos and within 2 months I drew the picture below

I invested in some Unison pastels and some decent pastel paper and was soon experimenting with all sorts of landscapes. More importantly, I was enjoying myself and I had an outlet for several hours whenever I wanted. I did it purely for myself initially. The house looked like a crime scene with dusty fingerprints on light switches and furniture. I had to invest in a heavy duty nail brush and set up  dust sheets under my studio (dining table). Being colourblind didn't seem to matter, Yes I drew a few green skies and blue trees but it all seemed to work out. 

So all that nonsense I had in my head that art was for other people was cast aside. I still have impostor syndrome, even after donating paintings for hospice raffles and giving a few as presents. Some people have offered money for a few of the pieces I have done, I don't think I could ever take someone's money for something that is purely for enjoyment. I keep a few of my paintings but am happy for anyone to take any of the others if they wish. I do believe painting got me through some very difficult evenings and I still turn to art to help settle my thoughts when times are tougher. I would encourage anyone to try art work at any point in their life. It may be that you haven't found the right medium that works for you yet. I can't draw or paint with wet paints very well at all but that's ok, I'm happy with my pastels. Go on give it a go